Rina-Chan Board's Blog: Weird Dream That Kept Me Up All Night Last Week...

There Was This Weird Dream That Kept Me Up All Night Last Week, It Was Pretty Weird...

THE DREAM OF THE ABSURD EMPORIUM

I woke up—or at least thought I did—standing in front of a glowing neon sign that read:

“THE BIGGEST BOYS’ LOVE ARCHIVE ON EARTH — OPEN 26 HOURS A DAY!”

The doors slid open before I touched them, and a wave of weird, bouncy, Keyboard-Cat-like music spilled out. It sounded like someone had forced a cat to walk across a synth keyboard while a DJ tried to pretend it was intentional.

Inside, shelves towered into infinity: manga spines arranged like rainbow skyscrapers, walls plastered with glossy posters of tender gazes and dramatic windblown hair. Plushies of romantic pairs sat in bins labeled “CAUTION: HIGH LEVELS OF FLUFF.”

An employee wearing a sash that said “Certified BL Archivist” approached me and whispered, “Welcome, seeker of forbidden wholesomeness.” Then they drifted away like a Studio Ghibli spirit who had somewhere else to be.

I wandered the aisles, unsure if the music was getting louder or my sanity was getting quieter.

And that’s when everything cut to—

CUTAWAY GAG — DREAM #2

Suddenly, I was somewhere else, like my brain had hit the “skip intro” button on its own dream.

I was now in a mall atrium where a horde of Disney Channel fans had set up massive speakers and were blasting late-2010s Disney sitcom theme songs at full power. The kind of songs that sound like they were written after drinking eight cups of bubblegum.

Before I could ask any questions, a group of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fans strutted in wearing pastel MLP onesies, complete with ears and detachable tails. They joined in with the music, doing coordinated hoof-steps on the tiled floor.

Then—because my subconscious apparently needed to crank the absurdity knob—emo hipsters appeared out of nowhere, dancing dramatically in slow motion, their scarves fluttering like emotional flags.

A narrator’s voice suddenly boomed from the ceiling:

“In today’s global world… multicultural dating is BEAUTIFUL.”

A giant cheesy heart graphic floated up behind everyone. Just as I started to protest, the scene jump-cut to—

A COMMERCIAL FOR BEAN AND LEEK SOUP

A white background. A bowl of steaming soup. A voice that sounded like it once narrated wildlife documentaries said:

“Bean and leek soup. Because love is complicated…
but soup? Soup understands.”

I blinked—and now—

THE FURRY OLYMPIC GAMES

Stadium lights! Confetti cannons!

Furries from every nation marched proudly with flags shaped like paws, tails, and stylized snouts. Mascots cheered from the stands. The announcer yelled:

“AND THE GOLD MEDAL FOR SPRINTING WHILE WEARING A FULL WOLF SUIT GOES TO—”

But before the name could be announced, the sky split open.

CTHULHU BECOMES PRESIDENT

The stadium shimmered away and I was suddenly watching a televised inauguration.

Cthulhu stood behind a presidential podium, tentacles swaying with patriotic gravitas.

He raised one claw and—somehow—placed it on a Bible without dissolving it.

The crowd cheered politely.

A reporter whispered, “Approval ratings already up by eight percent. People appreciate a leader with real… presence.”

Then everything shook.

Because—

HOT TOPIC RIOT — TWILIGHT EDITION

Security gates buckled as hordes of shoppers stampeded inside shouting,
“WHERE IS THE EDWARD CULLEN LIMITED-EDITION LIP GLOSS SET?!”

Mannequins were knocked over. Black clothing flew into the air like confetti at a goth parade. A cashier shouted, “THE TEAM JACOB HOODIES ARE BUY-ONE-GET-ONE!”

Someone threw a sparkly vampire poster like a frisbee.

And as I tried to escape the chaos—

everything faded into—

BLACK SCREEN

Silence.

Soft piano music began playing. A logo appeared:

THE FOUNDATION FOR COMEDIANS WHO DESERVE MORE LAUGHS

A gentle narrator said:

“Every year, thousands of jokes go un-laughed.
You can help.
For just one imaginary donation a day,
you can provide a struggling comedian
with the audience chuckle they desperately need.”

A single laugh track giggle echoed sadly.

And then—